Quelling Quitchen Qualamities: Help! It’s not my fault! How to Tame a Raging Stovetop

Published by Wednesday, April 4, 2012 Permalink 0
by The Quonstant Quonnoisseur

Conquering the Basic Cooking Techniques of Poaching, Simmering and Boiling

One of the advantages of cooking for others is that no matter how those you are cooking for might attempt to intervene in the process, offer advice, snoop on your activities & etc., in most cases they lack the expertise, aptitude, patience and experience to take your place in front of the stove. However much those individuals might seek to run mind games on you because you are, in a sense, doing some work that they might have helped finance, in the very short term their relation to you is one of dependence.

The people you’re feeding, typically family members, will almost always be hungrier than you. And they will lack your access to sharp knives and convenient missiles (fruits and vegetables, for example) needed to drive them off.

This power relationship can be reversed in the case of your relationship to kitchen appliances. Remember: those things were designed by engineers and programmers who themselves were oppressed by doltish marketing managers and senior executives. The engineers’ goals and values might have led them to seek the most efficient and graceful designs.


To you, a lovely kitchen stove; to the engineers who designed it,
a purgatory they’re enduring
until they can design rocket ships and race cars.

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